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[mar. 5e, 2006|01:41 pm] |
my pain is constant and sharp
and i do not hope for a better world for anyone
in fact, i want my pain to be inflicted upon others
i want no one to escape... |
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[mar. 5e, 2006|03:14 am] |
she need her candle lit
and ima wax that. |
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[mar. 1er, 2006|07:57 pm] |
everything happens for a reason. sometimes that shit hurts more than anything in the world and there is nothing you can do to change that. all you can do is pick yourself up, dust off the dirt or wipe away the blood and punch the pain in the face and do your thing. i left chicago, reluctantly and emotionally. i wont be back, but ill visit a bunch.
abby and rachel: thank you so much for caring about me and listening to me whine and moan about being sad and blahblah and thank you for wanting me to come back and just being really great friends and just really showing me that you want me around, it really helped me out and it means so fucking much, you girls are fucking awesome.
chad and keim: thank you for everything. i wouldnt have made it through the past week without you guys and i value you both so much in my life and im lucky you guys are around to talk about boners and ride bikes with [except keim because youre a pussy] and just everything youve guys have done for me and talked with me about, it means the world.
lauren: fuck thank you for everything youve done for me and all the things youve said to me to make me realize that i am someone and i am worth it and that one day everything will pay off and ill be happy and taken care of. i love you so much and youve never ever let me down except when you never took out the trash or left your alarm clock on, but thats alright because i dont mind hahah.
to EVERYBODY else who gave a shit and took time to ask me if i was alright and just help me feel better, thank you so much for everything and picking me back up when i didnt care enough to do it myself.
i really love you all, so much.
oh i swear i wont delete the new myspace. seriously i wont. |
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[fév. 28e, 2006|08:40 pm] |
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i havent cried this much in years. |
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[fév. 28e, 2006|10:45 am] |
thanks so much to chad and mike for helping me through the past few days. it means a lot and really helped.
seeing the yeahyeahyeahs last night was really fun too, thanks chad for that.
to everyone i couldnt see before i left, i hope to see you again sometime, you guys are all special.
see ya. |
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[fév. 27e, 2006|12:17 pm] |
so long, chicago. you were awesome and i am sure i will see you again
to everyone ive met and hung out with here, thanks for a good time and you guys all take care
farewell.
you're earth bound and i'm injured, we move too fast to remember the drive on to me. drive on to me, we carved the days from the hours, you showed me all i could have in the drive on to me. you were free when i was taken. you did your best to change that in the drive on to me. you stop and i'm in over drive you hooked the stars with your eyes in the drive on to me. accident when we needed, i'm stronger as we near it. we can't help to watch this whole thing crash together. we are the bruised and the tender. we are the crack that was mended. from all the times we ever tried we should've found each other in this drive on to me. |
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[fév. 27e, 2006|12:08 am] |
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Hard times build character, or so I'm told. They teach you lessons worth your weight in gold. |
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[fév. 26e, 2006|12:15 pm] |
my legs are killing me
i could possibly be getting a little less sick
doubtful.
stop me before i say too much.
whether you save you me
whether you savage me
want my last look to be the moon in your eyes
want my heart to break if it must break in your jaws |
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[fév. 21e, 2006|12:44 am] |
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sees esle enoyreve tahw em ni was ehs hsiw i. i really do. |
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[fév. 20e, 2006|08:25 pm] |
i should really move to california. fuck.
this weather is killing me and i fucking hate it. i am in the most confusing, uncomfortable situation in my life and i hate that too, but that is a part of life and i should be glad i am experiencing SOMEthing right? right! i saw this rad apartment yesterday and its affordable, perfect location and everything is awesome and my roommate would be this girl sarah, who was really chill. im waiting to hear back from her about everything and i am going to ask her if i can pay 1/2 rent and move in a month early [speaking as if she wants me to move in at all] and live in this little spare room in the apartment until the other girl moves out. im hoping like hell she says that is cool, or that i get the apartment at all, i can find somewhere to stay for a month easy. if it wasnt so goddamn cold i could sleep outside and it would be awesome, so many rooftops and places to sleep on the street here. but whatever i will definetly figure something out.
i really like the city a lot. things are tricky right now i guess but i have met and made a lot of really awesome friends, i hope to keep the friendships going and be one of the gang. i kind of feel like im part of the gang by default right now, but we'll see. whatever i am just trying to empty out my head and get all this shit out. either way, im so happy with the people ive met and hung out with.
reguardless of the shitty weather, this week is 'get a fucking job' week and now that im just looking for part time, i have a feeling it will be a lot easier to find something. if not, ill suck it and wash dishes or suck dicks or something to make ends meet. i am so exited about starting school, like crazy fucking pumped about it. i cant wait to learn so much and all these techniques and just study and get better and better, network myself, start getting freelances jobs and making money having fun and doing my thing. i know that with my drive and work ethic that i am gunna be the best i can be at it.
hopefully something will finally work out, after searching for so long, maybe a found a home in chicago. maybe not. i guess we'll play it by ear and see what happens. but reguardless im happy that i came here and im happy with everyone ive surrounded myself with.
"when you're around it makes it hard to be what i need to be" |
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[fév. 20e, 2006|07:59 pm] |
Whatever this becomes,
Whatever words I say, we are the fortunate ones,
And when the days are done I won't forget.
All I see in you and me,
is a light in the dark of humanity.
And when the days are done, I won't forget.
Timid steps, come walk with me, yeah.
And with your useless words, come talk to me.
There are broken hearts now on your stereo,
but the broken beats are just too slow.
You'll cry, it doesn't change a thing.
Kill the lights and let the rain fall.
Recall the memories of yesterdays and better ways
And know the innocence is gone, move on.
From this day on we'll never be the same.
The saddest songs make sense to me, yeah,
so with your sunken eyes come look for me.
2 hour drives are 2 hours alone
but 2 hour drives are better than home
You'll die, it doesn't change a thing.
You will
Kill the lights and let the rain fall.
Recall the memories of yesterdays and better ways
And know the innocence is gone, move on.
From this day on we'll never be the same.
Faster words and faster kids
Faster songs and faster ends
the one thing that's stayed the same.
I've lived through days
And I've lived through nights
I've had my loves
and I've had my fights.
You've got to know, you have my heart.
Faster words and faster kids
Faster songs and faster ends
the one thing that's stayed the same.
I've lived through days
I've lived through nights
I've had my loves
I've had my fights.
You've got to know (you've got to know), you have my heart.
real update soon, really i swear. |
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[fév. 20e, 2006|04:22 pm] |
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this one goes out to all the motherfucker bruisers...oh yeah and i promise ill make a real update soon. |
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[fév. 19e, 2006|07:54 pm] |
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im covered in bite marks! a few even broke the skin! at least after tattoo pain theres something cool to look at, hahah. one kinda looks like a stab wound though, so thats pretty neat. |
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[fév. 19e, 2006|01:00 pm] |
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if it wasnt so cold, id swear that this was hell |
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[fév. 16e, 2006|07:38 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | jam on it | ] |
est ici que je pense. je pense que vous vraiment m'aimez et vous tout avez signifié vous avez dit, mais vous êtes si effrayé de comment quelqu'un d'autre lui réagira, vous le niez et je crois que vous pourriez être confondu, mais j'aussi crois que vous savez que je vous ferais très heureux et vous donne le monde comme meilleur je pourrais. vous gardez me ferme quand vous je sentez obtenir vexé et errant loin de vous et vous obtenez fou quand vous pensez que j'essaie de rencontrer de nouvelles filles. tout je peux dire suis vous êtes si craintif de gaspillage de temps mais cela est tout vous faites.
and what? |
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[fév. 16e, 2006|02:37 pm] |
il blesse si beaucoup de. quand vous le trouvez que vous vous sentez si bon environ, il y a une connexion forte d'idylle et un échange de mots qui fait tout se sent bien. vous long pour leur touche et compte les minutes jusqu'à ce que vous pouvez les embrasser encore si vous pouvez vous tromper dans la pensée qu'il travaillera hors, pour cette fraction de seconde quand vos lèvres sont appuyées contre la mine tout est parfait.
je veux sentir tout le temps parfait. |
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[fév. 14e, 2006|12:47 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| |  fuuuucked. | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | wow sappiest horrible shit ever i just wrote | ] |
theres so much i want to say today, but i will lock it all inside and pretend to be okay. told myself all night that it was just another day, another day in february, nothing special but im feeling very anxious and left out. pathetic even. i know everything will pan out and i will end up on top again. i know one day that i will make someone so fucking happy, their eyes will sparkle when i walk into a room and they will smile for no reason and it will feel perfect. just like in my head, just like in my daydreams. she will hold my hand and it will fit perfectly and the sky will smile back at her when she looks up and mouths 'thank you' to the moon, all while i secretly do the same. ill get lost in her eyes and spiral through 1000 emotions all at once while the reflection of a fan spins in her pupils. her hand will lay on the side of my face and trace my jawline and she wont say anything and ill feel safe. everything will be warm and valentines day will not be the only special day we have, everyday will be our valentines day. everyday will be our perfect drive to feel infinite.
i believe it will happen. some day. with some one. new or old. lost or found. just follow the trail of petals i left you... |
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[fév. 13e, 2006|11:52 pm] |
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juste garder dire vous « c'est juste un autre jour, c'est juste un autre jour » et peut-être il travaillera finalement. |
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[fév. 13e, 2006|10:52 pm] |
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la vie vraiment confond. je n'a pas d'idée comment sentir parfois et j'essaie à fort être une vraiment grande personne, un garçon tendre compatissant. mais il le genre de se sent comme je suis juste gaspillant loin. les grands yeux, le grand coeur et la grande misère.. |
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